Memoirs of Institute of Mental Health (The leading mental hospital in Singapore) Record I Patient A: "So how.. this book not bad ya?" Patient B: "Excellent! Astounding work. No nonsense shit, sharp and concise to the point. But there's a major flaw in this piece of art too many character names to remember!!!" Nurse: "Hey! Can the two of you..put the telephone book back to the original place?" Record II One doctor asked a patient: "If I were to cut one of your ear off, what will happen to you?" Patient: "Then I will not be able to hear..." Doctor: "Hmm.. that's normal...So if I were to cut your other ear off, what will happen to you?" Patient: "Then I will not be able to see..." The doctor became nervous and asked: "Why would you not see then???" Patient: "Because my spectacles will drop down..." Record III IMH has an old lady who wears black everyday, carries a black umbrella and squats @ the entrance to the IMH everyday without fail, rain or shine. The doctor wanted to administer treatment for her and decided to start by understanding her behaviour. So, the doctor also wear black and carries a black umbrella; squatted outside together just next to her, rain or shine, everyday without fail. So..days goes by...the two of them squatted side-by-side w/o a single exchange of words..for one solid month... One fine day..the old lady finally broke the silence and asked the doctor: "Err...Excuse me! Are you also a mushroom?" Record IV A nurse saw a patient writing a letter... She got curious and went to take a peek.. But the patient didn't wanna let her see. Nurse (unable to contain her curiosity): "Who are you writing to?" Patient : "I'm writing a letter to myself...." Her curiosity grew and she thought to herself (Why would someone write a letter to himself?) So she asked again: "So...what's written inside?"> Patient (got impatient): "You crazy ah? I haven't receive the letter, how would I know??" Record V Two patients escape from the IMH. They climbed up a tree and one of them fell from the tree and started rolling on the ground. After a while, the patient rolling shouted to the top: "Hey! How come you are not coming down yet?" The patient ontop replied: "No..no..I can't...I'm not ripe yet"
Record VI One patient visited the doctor: "Doc...how? I think I'm a chicken since I was born..." Doctor: "Woah! that's very serious...Why do you only come and seek treatment now?" Patient: "Because my family needs me to hatch the eggs..." Record VII One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH. He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home after unloading the stuff. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down. When he was about to fix on the new tyre, he had accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain. The truck driver was very sad as he can't fished the bolts up; started to panick.
Coincidentally, one patient walk past and asked the driver what happened. The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do, he told the patient the whole incident.
The patient nonchantly replied: "can't even fix such a simple problem...no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..." he goes on explaining:
"You just have to take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones"
The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why do you stay in IMH?"
Patient replied: "I stay here because I'm crazy not STUPID!" (Prefect...Nuts & Bolts)